I am that nigga that said I would never write. I think some of this will sound weird, but nevertheless, here goes. Have you ever met someone that you knew you wanted to marry – or well, if not marry, be with for the rest of you life, but the timing just wasn’t right? I mean, the conversation was great, the time was always great, and even the sex was great, but both of you just knew now wasn’t the time? That’s how I feel about this girl that I met my senior year of college. She really is everything. My friends loved her, family loved her, it was just love. Let’s move forward though.
I moved to DC after college (I hope this doesn’t give me away) and completely hit a whirlwind. As is customary or necessary in anyone’s twenties, I started experimenting. Before, I felt like I could share anything with the girl that I had left back home, but I couldn’t share this. I don’t know why, just seems weird. I know everyone experiments, and she even shared some of her experimentation with me – which I thought was cool. The thing is, I’ve been experimenting so much, I think a lot of my actions are just becoming who I am.
I’m in a grad program here and in one my recent classes we got into the discussion on why females could be ‘bi-sexual’ or ‘bi-curious’ and it be acceptable. Further, how they could be completely be ‘bi’ but never thrown into the ‘gay’ category. In my experimentation, I’ve messed around with a few guys, and although I don’t like all aspects of it, some things I think guys just do better. I’m torn with this, because I’m conflicted in more ways than one with what I am. I think I define that, no one else does, but as discussed in this class, no one else sees it that way.
Back to my issue, has anyone else ever been in this situation? Chances are, if so, they probably wouldn’t be honest about it, but I wnat to tell my girl back home. I think this might strengthen our relationship, but I just don’t know if it would be the right thing to do. Sorry for the book. I really need y’all.